GRANOLA BARS

In an effort to get healthy I've been trying to keep better foods in the house, especially snacks. I found this recipe in a WIC handout. It's for "Peanut Butter Energy Bars". I've made a few a variations of this recipe and we seem to like it with a little more than what the instructions say to use. I've found that with the few additions I've added it's closer to the "Nature Valley Chewy Trail Mix Bars".

Riann and I made another batch yesterday and I thought it would be fun to take pictures and do a post on it. I haven't priced it out yet to see if it's any cheaper than the nature valley bars but I've been able to make three batches (with the first batch being a double batch) without having to repurchase anything so I think it should be a little cheaper to make my own. I also think that by cutting out the high fructose corn syrup alone they are MUCH healthier too.

Here's what you need:


1/2 c. salted dry roasted peanuts
1/2 c. roasted Sunflower nuts (kernals)
1/2 c. chopped almonds
1/4 c. toasted wheat germ
1/2 c. raisins
1/2 c. craisins
2 c. rolled oats
2 c. rice Krispie cereal
1/2 c. crunchy peanut butter
1/2 c. packed brown sugar
1/4 c. light corn syrup
1/4 c. honey
1 tbsp. vanilla

Here's how to make it:

First get yourself a happy helper.

Mix together the first eight ingredients in a large bowl. Set aside.

Combine peanut butter, brown sugar, honey and corn syrup in a medium, microwave safe bowl.

Microwave on high for approximately two minutes.
Due to variations in microwaves, I divide the time and stir about every 30 seconds, watch it carefully or it will burn.

Add vanilla and stir until blended.

Add mixture to dry ingredients.

Stir until coated.

Spoon mixture into an 9"x 13" pan coated with nonstick spray.
The pan size is up to you. The instructions say to use an 8" square pan, it just depends on what size you want them and how thick you want them.

Press down firmly (it helps to spray fingers with nonstick spray). Let sit for about an hour.

Cut into bars.

I wrap mine in foil to store.

This is the first time I've had Riann help me make them and because of that she's excited to eat them. We had a lot of fun making it. I eat one a day as a snack and it helps cut down my cravings in the afternoons.

I hope you have fun with recipe.

2011 Reading Goal

Photo from Flickr.com

In an effort to keep my mind active, last year I decided I wanted to try and read 50 books. I'm a readers that reads in spurts. It's not often I will pick up a book or make a point to read but I would try to catch a series or I would read a book on recommendation if enough people mentioned it.

I had been struggling, when Paul went back to school, because I felt like I was spending a LOT of time in front of the TV and that needed to change and it needed to change fast. Early last year I had also started working out regularly (something I'm still working on getting back into this year) and I was trying to find things to keep my attention while I was working out. I didn't want to go to the gym and just watch the TV's there as that was part of the problem I was trying fix. I liked running to the music on our iPod but I didn't have any playlists that really motivated me and the few songs I had listened to a thousand times were starting to get old. Because I still needed something to occupy my mind and distract me from the physical task at hand, I decided that maybe I should pick up reading. I started off with magazines and small things like that but it was hard to get invested in them. I started reading the Harry Potter series at the beginning of the year and thought that maybe I could/should really get better at reading all together. After completing that series I decided to give myself a goal for the whole year. To make myself accountable I had told Paul about it because I was actually a little excited about the idea. He eagerly supported the idea but also pointed out that if I were to read 50 books in a year I would have to read approximately one book at week and I was already in March or April (I can't remember exactly when I made the decision to try). I was pretty sure I could make it because if I could get into a book and REALLY like it, it doesn't take me long to complete it. I figured I just had to stick to different series' because I could read those faster than a single book as I always wanted to get on to what's "next". Unfortunately I still have a mild fear of the library and our public library has been under construction for the last year so it made me even more apprehensive to go in. By pushing to reach my goal, I been forced to get over my hesitation, although I still have to talk myself out of buying a book in place of checking it out, and I feel like I did a good job making sure I was actively looking for books. The only problem I found was that most of the books I wanted to read were already checked out and I was always 10+ back on the list when I finally got in to request a book. That's the hard part about reading books based on recommendation, right?

By the end of the year I managed to read 28 books total. For starting so late I figured that wasn't too bad. I struggled to get into a few of the ones I picked up but my rule is always to give a book 100 pages before I'd give up on it. Most of the ones I struggled with took me a week or two to get through the first 100 pages, however once I finally got to page 100 the books suddenly got interesting and most were completed in a few days after that.

Here are the books I was able to read in 2010:

1. The Lost Symbol
2. Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone
3. Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets
4. Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban
5. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
6. Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
7. Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince
8. Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows
9. The Fire and the Covenant
10. The Brothers
11. Where Angles Fall
12. The Second Sun
13. Fury and Light
14. From the End of Heaven
15. Clear as the Moon
16. Life of Pi
17. The Kite Runner
18. Hunger Games
19. Catching Fire
20. Mocking Jay
21. Christmas Jars
22. The Wednesday Letters
23. Recovering Charles
24. Icy Sparks
25. The Moses Stone
26. The Help
27. The Storytellers Daughter
28. Snow Flower and the Secret Fan
    

This next year I'm going to try it again. I'm going to go for 50 books in 2011. I've already finished my first book, although I technically started it in 2010 so I don't know if I should count it for this year or last year. I've got a short list of books that I want to read already but I still need suggestions. If you're willing to suggest anything I'd LOVE it. My only request is that you don't suggest a series that isn't complete yet. I loathe waiting for a book in a series and I don't want to fight anyone else for it at the library, like I would have had to do if I waited for the Hunger Games Series if my wonderful neighbor hadn't let me borrow hers. The on hold list here was 90+ people long for Mocking Jay, when it finally came out... Yuck!!!

At the end of the year I'll post my progress and see if I did any better than this year. I really think I can do it but it is something I have to commit myself to doing it. I'm not a natural born reader so this really is a challenge for me. I'm excited to keep my mind active, and away from vegging out in front of the TV. I hope that I can find some good books this year.

Wish me luck!!

Laryngomalacia

I've been staring at this page for a few days now trying to figure out how I would write this post. I'm still not 100% sure where or how to start so I'm just going to type and see what comes out. As most of you know for the last month or so we've been taking Colby in to our family doctor to find out why he seems to struggle with breathing and why he makes so much noise when he breathes. We've recently learned that it is because of a condition called Laryngomalacia (it's said exactly like it's spelt). CincinnatiChildrens.org says, "Laryngomalacia is best described as floppy tissue (epiglottis and arytenoid cartilages) above the vocal cords that falls into the airway when a child breaths in."

As we learn more about this I wonder if Riann didn't have the same condition when she was born. Because of this I don't worry too much about things getting any worse than they are now, however, a lot of the sites that I've read say that there is a chance things can worsen at four to eight months, that worries me just a little. Riann was much quieter than Colby's is so I never pursed it when the doctor's told me it wasn't too much to worry about. I toke her in a few times thinking she was congested but was always told that her airways were clear, even though she never sounded like it. I figured the doctors would tell me if there was a problem and just nicknamed her our little Pug.

This time around I've watched Colby struggle to breath and I'm grateful for a doctor who has taken the time to listen to me and take my concerns seriously. I'm grateful that nothing was seriously wrong with Riann as we learn more about everything with Colby. When we first brought Colby in our doctor took the time to watch him and didn't just cancel out the sounds Colby was making when he checked over the other general things doctors check for. Because of this we have been able to find out quickly what we're dealing with so we can quickly treat it. It has also given me peace of mind because now I can do my own research and find accurate information and have some validation that I'm not stressing out over nothing.

We have recently been down to Primary Children's in Salt Lake City and have talked to the pediatric ENT (Ear, Nose and Throat) doctor out there. Based on what he's observed he feels like Colby is not bad enough to warrant immediate surgery but struggles enough that he wants to try a few more test. We have the option to forgo the tests and go straight into surgery but we're not sure that's the direction we want to go just yet. Our second option is to have Colby under go a sleep study. Where Colby isn't having too much trouble eating and is regularly gaining weight, although it's not as much as they would like, the ENT at Children's was on the fence about rushing us straight to the operating room. It's hard to say if Colby is not gaining weight because of the condition or if he will just be following the same pattern that Riann is on and will just be really tall and lean. He's in the 95th percentile for his height and between the 25th and 50th percentile for his weight. He has been gaining pretty steadily but he didn't lost a ton after he was born so from his "take home" weight to the weight he's at now, it's not the growth they like to see in children his age. That being said he has still gained approximately three to four pounds in the two months since we've had him and he is noticeably filling out. So overall he seems to be doing good.

Another reason the doctor out at Children's is concerned is because Colby is not sleeping as long as he should at night. Some nights he'll go a full six to eight hours but most of the time he does two, four hour stretches and then a smaller two hour stretch. I'm not 100% sure if he's waking up because I force him up because he's still in our room and I'm worried about him waking up Paul, who needs his sleep for his early classes at school, or if he's really waking up on his own. I wonder if we moved him out of our room if he'd sleep longer on a regular basis but the doctors have asked us to stay with him until we have more answers. I've thought about moving into a different room with him but we don't have a bed (or air mattress) for me to sleep on yet. One of the main questions the doctor asked us during our last appointment was, "Does he gasp for air at night?", I had to think back when he asked me that and I did remember a few times in the last month where he has paused and gasped. This is also another thing we wonder about. I didn't think twice about it when I noticed it because I just assumed it was due to his reflux, that he was spitting up while he was falling asleep. I was always cautious and stayed close when he did it so I could intervene if needed but he's always slept on his side so I wasn't too concerned about him aspirating it. Now we are wondering if he's been doing this because of the Laryngomalacia or if it was in fact his reflux acting up at night, when his medicine starts to wear off. The ENT doctor told us if the pausing and gasping is due to the reflux we are okay to wait it out and to keep treating the reflux with the medicine he is currently on. However, if he is pausing and gasping because of the condition we will have to do surgery because the condition could be causing sleep apnea and, just like in adults, sleep apnea can lead to high blood pressure and heart problems in children.

The hard part about this condition is that it's hard to pinpoint what leads to which symptoms. We are slowly learning with each test that he is doing good and we hope that if we do this sleep study we'll learn that we can bypass surgery. However, my mind has been put at ease if we do have to take the surgery route because it doesn't sound like it's too invasive. I would like to avoid putting him under for anything that we don't have to though.

All this being said I have no feelings that this is going to be worse than what they describe on the various websites that I've read although it's not easy to simply think "it's not THAT bad" when you listen to him. I know we're doing better with it because when we went home for Christmas it bothered those who hadn't spent too much time with him much more than it bothered us but it is something that sits in the back of ours mind on a regular basis. It's a little weird to think that this morning I couldn't go back to sleep because I COULDN'T hear him breathing. There are periods of time where he breaths completely normal, especially if he gets his head in exactly the right position and I feel like I have to check on him more often when he does that, even though I know he's fine.

As we learn more I'll try to update more. I'm still not the type of Blogger I'd like to be but I was told by someone that most blogs are best written when you just write and not stress about how many pictures you have or if there's a point to what you're saying. It's about getting it down. I'm working on just getting it down more often, not just for you guys but for myself.

Thank you for listening, for those of you who still do.

Side by Side

I finally got instruction on how to do collages in Picasa and got to play with some of the pictures I wanted to put together. It was fun to see their similarities and how different they are slowly becoming. I can't wait to do more and see how much they change in the future.

I hope you enjoy. I can't wait to play with more images like this.

Colby's Blessing

Today we did Colby's blessing in the Fairwood ward in Renton Washington. Today was a great day. Started off a little stressful but being on time to 9am church can do that to a family ;-) Colby did fantastic and Paul gave him a beautiful blessing. It's so much fun to see the little babies dressed up in white and we had a great Sunday taking picture and spending time together as a family. Here are a few of the pictures we got from today.

The whole family group who came to the blessing.

Colby and I. He's lost his patience with pictures.
(This was one of the last ones we took.)

Riann and Colby's hands.

My handsome boy in his blessing outfit.

He's such an angel.

My beautiful babies.

Normally blessings are done on fast Sunday's so if you felt like it you would have the chance to bear your testimony in conjunction with the special day. I've been thinking a lot about that because when we blessed Riann we did it on a Saturday and didn't get to attend the fast and testimony meeting the next day because we were all sick. I figure now is a good time to bear my testimony because I know I'd have a hard time doing it in church if we had done it on a fast Sunday.

I'm grateful for my extended families. I'm grateful for all they do for all they do for Paul and I and our children. It is such a blessing to have in-law's and step-siblings who love us just as much as you would love your own family members. Growing up in a divided home should have been a lot harder for us than it was but we got lucky and as my parents remarried my family grew and those who joined us only made life easier. At times when we were in the thick of it, it was hard to see the blessings but now looking back it was all for the better.

I'm grateful for my own family. I'm grateful that Paul is such a good example to me and the kids. I'm grateful for his dedication to loving us and for all he does and how hard he works. I'm grateful that he honors his priesthood and that he is worthy to bless our children. He is a fantastic father, husband and friend and I'm so thankful the Lord has given me someone like him. I'm grateful for Riann and Colby and the lesson's they teach me each and every day. I've learned how to be a better child to my father in heaven as I've learned how to be a parent. I hope that they know I'm trying just as hard as they are to do good and that together we can learn to serve our father in heaven better every day. I'm grateful for eternal families and for the blessing it is to know that this isn't the end. I'm so thankful that we can be together after this life and for the knowledge that we are not lost.

I'm thankful for our savior and for his life, which he willingly gave. I know I need to do better to show my gratitude and serve the Lord each day. The blessings I've been given don't come free and I need to do better to remember to thank the Lord for all I've been given each day. I need to do better to teach my children through instruction, and more importantly through example, that I love the Lord and I love our church. I'm grateful for our prophet, President Thomas S. Monson and I believe that he is a true prophet of the Lord. I know he was chosen to lead our church by the Lord and I believe in his words. I'm grateful for Joseph Smith and believe that he was chosen by the Lord to lead us into to Latter days. I believe the Book of Mormon is true and need to focus my time better in studying the words of that book and spend more time learning the lessons that are taught there.

I've been given so many blessings in my life and I'm grateful for each and every one of them. I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ, our savor. - Amen

Colby Alan Vreeken

I finally got a few minutes during work, over the last few days, so I thought I would get started on writing up Colby's birth story. His story will probably be pretty short, simply because it was a fast and relatively easy birth. I have very few complaints this time around and am VERY grateful to all of the help I had, not only from family but at the hospital and from my doctor.

In the effort to have a little more bulk to the story, I should probably start his story at my 37 week appointment. I had been feeling frustrated because I felt like I hadn't progressed at all. At each appointment we went to, from 37 weeks on, they had me do a non-stress test to measure his heart beat, movements and my contractions. I would wake up each morning with mild contractions and have them all the way there, until I was hooked to the machine. Then they would stop and I'd have nothing until we'd leave the appointments and get home. Then they'd start up again, almost immediately. I could tell that they weren't REAL contractions but it was frustrating because my doctor would tell me at each appointment that I needed to call if they ever got down to 5-10 mins for more than an hour. I wouldn't have contractions that close until I started work each night, then I'd have them in the 3-5 minute range for 4 hours, until I stopped working. I never wanted to call in at that point because I didn't want to bother my doctor at home after hours.

I wanted to be checked at 38 weeks because of how things worked out with Riann but my Doctor wanted to wait another week so I went a head and put it off. When 39 weeks came around I was finally checked. I was told that I was 3cm and 75% effaced. This bummed me out quite a bit because I thought that I had done more work than just 3cm based on how I was feeling. After that appointment I scheduled my next appointment on my due date so that we could make a decision then on whether or not we were going to wait or get induced. We tried all week to get me to go into labor naturally but he was a stubborn kid. I could get up and walk and get my contractions down to 1-2 mins apart but the minute I stopped walking or sat down to rest they'd stop 100%. Overall I was still feeling great but I was super frustrated that I couldn't get any feelings on what was going to happen. When the 30th, the day before Halloween, came around and I could tell that nothing was going to happen I decided to take a break. I really wanted to spend one last Halloween with just Riann and with Halloween falling on a Sunday this year we celebrated with our friends and ward on Saturday. I wanted to dress Riann up and go to our trunk-er-treat out at our church and do all of the fun things you're supposed to do on Halloween. So that night we went out and celebrated and had a really good time. I was still feeling pretty good so I was glad that I got to create those last memories with Paul and Riann, as we were in our last moments of being a family of three.

When I had first found out my due date all I knew at that point was I didn't want to have a baby on Halloween. So when I was positive nothing was going to happen on the 30th I was determined that nothing was going to happen on the 31st either. We would have stayed home that Sunday but we were getting a new bishopric and I really wanted to know who was called. About a year ago we had split wards and I still wasn't 100% familiar with all of the new members in our ward and knew if I didn't go that Sunday I wouldn't be able to recall who our new bishopric was without seeing them. Because I wasn't sure how soon we'd be back to church after having the baby we decided that we would go and make sure we got in one last Sunday before we would be "off" for a while. It was a great day to go. Not only was our sacrament meeting fantastic but all of the meetings had a special message just for us that day. We also found out from a neighbor/ward member, who works up at the hospital in labor and delivery, that there were no inductions scheduled for the next day, so if we did decide to go in there was a great chance they would keep us.

With that news we came home and talked it over. We decided that if I hadn't progressed on my own we would see if our doctor felt comfortable with us being induced and we'd go from there. Monday rolled around and we all packed into the car and went off to our appointment. I was having mild contractions all morning but of course, once I got into the office and hooked up to the monitoring machine nothing happened. While they were monitoring us Colby's heart rate stayed a little level, it should peak every now and then, and they weren't getting enough peaks on the monitor so they had me drink some cold water to see what happened. Once I got the water in me he started to look more "normal" so we stopped the test and completed the rest of the appointment. When he checked me I was still at 3cm and hadn't effaced anymore than before. With how my appointments panned out with Riann and how I felt at this appointment, I figured I was still a week out from him coming on his own. We had worked it out that my mom was flying in that night and we wanted her around as much as possible after Colby came so while we were waiting for the Doctor to come back into the room, after he checked me, we talked over getting induced. We decided to have the office call the hospital and see what their schedule was like. If they would take us we were going to go in that day. If they couldn't fit us in we'd give it a little more time. When our office called, the hospital gladly said we could come up (we found out later that there was only one other mother in the whole labor and delivery unit so they were bored and tired of cleaning). We scheduled our check in time for an hour later and left for home to get ready.

Our wonderful neighbors had offered to take Riann for us when it was time so we came home, grabbed my bag, Riann's bag, a couple of movies for Riann and our neighbors to watch and ran back out the door. Once we got Riann settled we rushed back up to the hospital to check in. We got back up to the hospital about 12:30pm and my doctor was in our room to break my water within the hour. Once my water was broken I started having contractions about every 5-10 mins. They started me on a low Pitocin drip shortly after 1:45pm and we waited and watched TV. I had decided I wanted to wait for an epidural because I wanted to get a good idea of what "real" labor was like. With Riann I had gotten my epidural before my water broke, so I never felt the really painful contractions. Because of that I didn't know how to push when the right time came and that started a whole string of complications with her delivery and my recovery.

I think we waited for about two hours before my nurse wanted to get things going a little faster. She checked me and I had progressed to about 5cm but my contractions were still a little slow and not as intense as they needed to be. When I was checked this time around I was REALLY frustrated because I felt like going from 3cm to 5cm in two hours wasn't quick enough for the pain I was feeling. My nurse was great and tried to tell me how good I was doing. I feel bad because I was shocked that I hadn't moved that far along and got really sarcastic when she told me my progress. I think I shocked her because she gave me a surprised look and me and said she was going to tell me she thought I was doing great and moving quickly. Shortly after checking me she decided to increase my Pitocin to see if she could get my contractions closer together and get things moving. The pain I had been feeling since my water was broken wasn't too bad and I still wanted to wait a little longer to see what I could handle before getting an epidural, however, once my Pitocin was increased I realized it was time to get the meds. I had three or four big contractions before calling the nurse in and asking her to call the anesthesiologist. Little did I know, the epidural would be the hardest part of my delivery. It took about 30-45 minutes for our anesthesiologist to get the epidural in. I was having a hard time bending in the way he needed me to and so it took longer to get it in because I couldn't get positioned right, and now Paul tells me he was Seinfeld each time I tried to readjust.

Once my epidural was in he started my first round of medicine and left. He was going to go work on a few things and then come back to check on how I was feeling. We got all of this done and going about 5pm. Once I was settled again we decided that I had enough time to send Paul off to grab food because we hadn't thought about lunch before checking in, and I didn't know you couldn't eat once your water was broken so we skipped getting food before I get started thinking I would have plenty of time to eat while I was waiting and before I got my epidural. Paul had been waiting to see how things had progressed before going to get food and once I was all set up and not feeling much anymore he felt comfortable taking some time to go do that. While he was gone, about 15 minutes after my epidural was in, my nurse was in the room checking up on a few things. Paul came back and started in on his food. I started to feel a little uncomfortable so I had made the comment to her that I didn't know if I was right because I didn't experience any of this with my first pregnancy but I thought that I felt the urge to push. She looked at me a little funny because we had just gone through the whole checking situation shortly before but she decided that she was going to check me just to make sure everything was okay. As she was checking my the anesthesiologist came back in to see how I was doing. Both the nurse and I told him I was feeling the urge to push, and I could still feel a good portion of my contractions, so he decided to give me another round of medicine. Once he got that into me the nurse looked at shocked and said "I'm going to go call your Doctor". In the 15 minutes after getting my epidural I had progressed to 10cm and was ready to go. She told me to relax as much as possible and we'd get working as soon as our Doctor got into the room. Timing was almost perfect because his office was just closing and he was able to come up right after work. After calling our Doctor she got the room set up and by the time she was done he was there and Paul finished up his curly fries. We pushed for about 5-10 mins and Colby was here.

This time around pushing was SO much better. It was nice to have a doctor who was invested in everything really going smoothly for me and to have a nurse who cared about the outcome as well. I also felt relaxed pushing this time around and because I felt more with contractions this time and I was able to effectively push. I also trusted my Doctor and nurse and that changed the experience for me. Mid-delivery, after I realized the TV was still on and I noticed we were all stopping to watch the second episode of Seinfeld I turned off the TV and looked up at Paul and asked how everything was going. He looked at me and looked down at the baby and all he could tell me was "he has hair"!! I was shocked that I was halfway done and excited to get to see him shortly.

From the time I started pushing to the time he was out, it had probably been 10 minutes. It was so much better than the 3 hours of pushing we did with Riann. At 5:22pm we had a beautiful baby boy. He was immediately cleaned up and had his tests done and was given back to us. He was 8 pounds 8 ounces, and 20 inches long. He was the perfect size and so far he's been the perfect baby. He lets you know when he wants to eat and be held, which is about 100% of the time, and he has a cry that isn't too loud, even when he's going through a super dramatic moment and boy does he have those.

My recovery this time has been amazing. I had some mild pain but with how wonderful Colby's birth was it wasn't hard to get back up on my feet. I also had a ton of reminders from Paul this time around to not push myself too hard. There have been days where I've thought I've been doing good but he's been good at helping out and not letting me do much and that has been great because without him I would have done something that I would have regretted.

I'm going to get pictures up soon. I really want to show everyone comparison pictures between him and Riann because I think they look a lot a like, in their birth pictures, but I need to learn how to set up Picasa collages first. If anyone wants to send me a tutorial on how to do that I would really appreciate it!!! I can't figure out for the life of me how to set it up on my own. As for now you can access the pictures I have of him on Facebook.

Riann has been wonderful with Colby and seems to love him more and more every day. I can't wait until Colby can acknowledge her and show her how much he loves her back. She has been so patient with him and with us. We have had to relearn communications tactics with each other but we're figuring it out one day at a time. She is such a huge help and is eager to do anything we ask, as long as it involves her little brother.

We want to thank everyone for all of their help, kindness and patience as we've gotten our feet back under us. I'm so grateful for everything I have right now. I thought that the change to two kids would be very hard but while parts of the transition have been difficult, like getting less sleep, overall everything seems so natural. I keep reminding myself that Colby has only been with us for three weeks now. It seems like he's been here forever, like there was never a moment without him. I'm so excited to watch him grow and see how he changes here in the next little bit. I will try to update as often as possible so you can see how he changes too.

I'm trying to do better....

Alright, so I know I said I was going to try to post at least once a month and that has been a complete FAIL!!! I want to say life just got too busy to sit down and talk about what was going on but I'm not 100% sure that's what happened. I'm going to do a few updates on here so I apologize for the mass posts and hope that you all haven't given up on us recently.

Overall things are going good. We're still waiting for our little guy to make his appearance and hope that it will be within the next two days. If not we're hoping he comes no later than the 5th but I guess it's all between him and God right now. If he needs to spend a little more time up there getting advice and counsel, who am I to tell him that's not okay. He's probably saying his goodbyes to the many loving friends he has and receiving important lessons that he'll be sent here to teach us, and especially me as his mother. I know Riann has taught me a lot and she wouldn't be able to do that if God hadn't given her very special instruction, even though she's so little and new at life. Whatever time our little guy needs he can take. As long as it means that he's healthy and excited to meet us as well when he gets here.

I'm VERY anxious for him to come. I'm still a little scared of what it will be like once he finally comes but that's mostly because I wonder how he'll fit into our little home. I also wonder how much Riann really understands. I know she realizes that there is something or someone in my stomach but I wonder if she gets that one day, very soon, he'll be here to stay, that he's not going to be like one of her friends who comes over to play and then goes home with their mommy and daddy, but he will exist in our home as her brother and hopefully her good friend. I'm excited to see how she responds to him in general. When she met one of her friends new brother, Emerson, she instantly wanted to hold him, and look at him, and rub his head, and play with him. She was great at just sitting there and enjoying him and now she talks about him all of the time. I wonder if she'll have these same feelings towards her new brother or if she'll get tired of him quickly because he never goes away. No matter what, I know she's going to be a fantastic big sister and a great helper. I'm SO excited to open up and give her more responsibilities and chances to work around the house. I know she's little but she has so much drive to be right there working with you and that makes me so happy.

I was watching Dr. Phil the other day (not an often occurrence in our home) but he was scolding a guest on his show for not being mature in regards to his views on life, even though this man was in his mid 30's early 40's. Dr. Phil commented on how we are raising a generation that feels entitled to everything and appreciates nothing. I had to think back and wonder what are Paul and I doing right now that teaches Riann to appreciate the things she is given in life. Are we being good examples of gratitude or do we take without really pondering what sacrifices we or others had to make to provide for what we have been given. I know we can do better to teach her that we earn what we are given and I want to commit to making sure she knows the gifts of hard work and the value of putting in everything you have. As we are about to welcome another beautiful spirit into our home I know that our responsibility to teach gratitude, appreciation and kindness is so much greater than it has been and that only by example are we going to be able to teach our children in a way they can understand.

I'm grateful that God trusts me enough to raise His children and I pray that I remember this daily. It's not my right to be a parent to His special spirits but a gift He has given both Paul and I and we must treat it as such. I only hope that I'm doing the job He would have me to do, even though at the end of the day I know I have probably fallen short and missed quite a few chances to learn. I only hope I remember that as I'm learning to be a better wife and mother that I am in turn teaching my children how to be better children of our Father in Heaven.