As you all know I love my daughter. She is in just about ever post I write and so I'm going to just simply say I'm soooo VERY grateful she's here with us and has taught us that there's so much more to life than I could ever have imagined. She's beautiful inside and out, even on her worst days. I've learned so much from her already and I'm prepared to be amazed as the years a head quickly make their way towards us. She is already growing up too fast and it kills and excited me each and every day.
The main focus of this post now is going to be my husband. I've been struggling lately as I've listened to some of the women I work with talk about their husbands. It's been over a LARGE amount of time so no, most of this isn't just coming up in the last couple of weeks. It's really been over the 2 years that I've been with this company and have really started developing relationships with other people who are in similar places in life. There is a wide spectrum of women where I work and I can say that we are all good friends. Most are married although some are not either because they haven't found the right one or the one they found didn't
"stick" for many various reasons. I'm slowing learning many lessons from each of these women every single day.
Some of the lessons I've learned include things that we have all been told. Things that we've been taught from the very beginning about the relationship between husband and wife and I'm constantly realizing how hard Satan is working to destroy that. Even in the most perfect marriage you will never be immune to the things people say around you.
The biggest thing that is effecting me right now is the lesson about complaining about your spouse. Unfortunately (wink, wink) Paul gives me less to complain about than I'm sure I give him so I don't feel like I participate in many of the discussions I've heard because I often don't have a reason to, but I am understanding a little more every day that there is so much more to always speaking highly of your spouse in public. I often listen to some of these wives who don't share the same values and beliefs as me and I hear their perspective on marriage and it sticks with me. Not that anyone ever shares more than is appropriate in a work setting but when I hear things that aren't always positive, regardless of wither or not it's about a person or a situation, its hard to forget what's been said and often I find myself evaluating situations, relationships, and decisions in my life that are important against these negative attitudes and it really been changes my perception of truth. I think that's where Satan has his deepest grasp on the citizen's of this world and why it's so easy for so many people to worked up over things that should be relatively easy and peaceful.
I feel that I need to openly thank my husband for the support he is to me and how much he's done to direct my life in ways that are good and honest. Paul is one of the hardest working individuals I know. I often feel bad because I feel like I keep him back from accomplishing some of the things he really wants to get done because I want to do nothing else but spend time with him. I know when he really got the time to work on our new business and started working out of the house I hindered a lot of what he would have been able to do with it because I was so excited to have him home from work and there to talk to and I didn't want him to sit in the office working on things that weren't with me.
Paul inspires me. He's driven. He's strong. He's smart. He's patient. I'll be the first to admit it but I have a HUGE fear of commitment. I feel this is part of the reason these conversations effect me so much. I fear long term situations and I often get ancy when I think of having to plan something for the future that is solid. If I can't see a variable for change I will make one or not participate. When it comes to Paul a lot, if not all, of that goes away. I do not fear forever or eternity and often find peace in the prospect that it doesn't matter if I did. I know we all have to find our occasional reminders on love or reassurance, it comes with the world we live in. Lately I think I've asked Paul to give me a little more than normal and he does. We are still working hard on finding our best communication but we're working. We're enjoying time together and we're finding out more about ourselves and each other on the way. I believe life is a constant struggle to improve. Often the direction is a little hard to find but if you rely on the ones you love and ask for the Lords guidance you'll never have to worry taking the wrong path.
Communication is at the key of every relationship. Wither it's just a casual discussion among coworker or a serious heartfelt conversation between family members or friends it is important that it stay as positive as possible. You never know what those around you might be going through and how they might be reflecting on your words when they compare your incite to their own situation. I know that Bambi's "golden rule" is often hard to follow but if we all work a little harder each day, maybe we can change the mood of our life and the lives around us.
I dearly love my husband and the blessing that it has been to have him in my life. I am strengthened by his ability to accomplish each and every single day. I often feel as though I am lacking but I know I can improve and that I have LOTS of time to do it. I pray that I can heed my own advice and work harder to keep a positive out look more often in life. One day these many of these lessons I'm learning will stick. I have a hard head to get through sometimes so I have a feeling the Lord will be working on me for a while.... I guess eternity is the perfect amount of time for then isn't it?! I guess I'll have to commit to working on it sooner or later... Maybe now is a good time.
